Barre Journal

Hallo everyone!

It has been such a long time! I haven’t been on my blog since August of 2011, it was a little bit painful to look at when i stopped dancing. I was very interested in pursuing dance out here as a hobby but the companies in the city seemed too foreboding for me so i chickened out and didn’t dance.

I got a job, and some of it included lifting things, as any retail position would, but i was feeling like a different person and i was in constant pain. Everything was cracking and getting twisted and just completely messed up.

I went home and got some blood taken, and the doctor came back with the results, which were Rheumatoid Arthritis. I turned 21 in January. Obviously it’s a bit devastating, as it means my joints are just going to continue to go downhill without aggressive treatment.

So, i’ve stopped dancing completely, and probably forever. It makes me very sad. I still love ballet and watch as many performances as i can and buy dvds and listen to music and blah blah blah, but I’ll now be limited to activities deemed “non strenuous” on my joints — yoga, walking, stretching. Ugh.

Anyway, that’s why i haven’t updated in a bit. I’m not sure if i’ll continue to blog or post pictures here anymore, at least not for a long while, because i’m still pretty upset. So apologies for my lack of posts, or delayed responses, etc.

If anyone has advice or has had similar experience, please feel free to submit. I still get tumblr emails and will check the blog somewhat regularly.

Stay beautiful all of you, you’re all amazing dancers and can accomplish all of your dreams. You have filled my life with such joy!!

xoxx

day 14: write about how dancing has changed your life

since i started dancing i’ve become more body conscious, which has been a blessing and a curse. I’ve become more open to new things (even calling a studio to ask questions was beyond my comfort level). I’ve found something that actually makes me happy. I haven’t written about this before, but I’ve had depression for 2 years, and it was absolutely crippling before i began dancing. Now i have a reason to get out of bed in the morning and look forward to putting my hair up in a bun and putting on my ballet sweater instead of dragging myself to college classes hoping no one would talk to me or notice me and i could crawl back in bed at the end of the day and be alone. Dance has made my life worth it. I don’t want to talk any more about that, because ballet has changed my life in other ways too. I feel inspired again, I feel like I can express myself, and I feel like it’s ok to do something just because I love it SO much that I don’t even need to put myself down for not being perfect.  

I’m so happy to have done this dance challenge, I really hope someone else creates a new one that I can work on. And thank you to everyone who follows this blog. There are almost 300 of you who make my day so wonderful every time I check my email, and give me a reason to keep being inspired. I really appreciate all of you.