Barre Journal

Hallo everyone!

It has been such a long time! I haven’t been on my blog since August of 2011, it was a little bit painful to look at when i stopped dancing. I was very interested in pursuing dance out here as a hobby but the companies in the city seemed too foreboding for me so i chickened out and didn’t dance.

I got a job, and some of it included lifting things, as any retail position would, but i was feeling like a different person and i was in constant pain. Everything was cracking and getting twisted and just completely messed up.

I went home and got some blood taken, and the doctor came back with the results, which were Rheumatoid Arthritis. I turned 21 in January. Obviously it’s a bit devastating, as it means my joints are just going to continue to go downhill without aggressive treatment.

So, i’ve stopped dancing completely, and probably forever. It makes me very sad. I still love ballet and watch as many performances as i can and buy dvds and listen to music and blah blah blah, but I’ll now be limited to activities deemed “non strenuous” on my joints — yoga, walking, stretching. Ugh.

Anyway, that’s why i haven’t updated in a bit. I’m not sure if i’ll continue to blog or post pictures here anymore, at least not for a long while, because i’m still pretty upset. So apologies for my lack of posts, or delayed responses, etc.

If anyone has advice or has had similar experience, please feel free to submit. I still get tumblr emails and will check the blog somewhat regularly.

Stay beautiful all of you, you’re all amazing dancers and can accomplish all of your dreams. You have filled my life with such joy!!

xoxx

Hi

I am considering get a pair of Gaynors. Anyone have any remarks or comments on them? 

I currently wear Grishko Elites. 

ballet bust.

what is it about ballet that scares me so much right now? now that i’ve moved into NY i find myself terrified of stepping foot in a studio…but it gets worse.

i don’t even let myself think about ballet anymore. my walls are plastered with gaynor minden posters and NYCB foldouts, but i won’t let myself try to find a studio. I just can’t face ballet right now. What’s stopping me?

Maybe it’s that i have such strong feelings associated with ballet and after doing poorly at one class at a new studio (i had never done a promenade or adagio before that class) i’m shutting myself away from it so that i don’t have to face failure at something i used to not put pressure on myself about. And also, it brings up a slew of emotions that i don’t want to deal with.

At my old studio, we only did barre, then basically slow across the floor exercises, then we did leaps and jumps across the floor. it was no pressure and i liked it that way. but then another studio placed a lot of importance on moves i’d never ever heard of and did adagio and some other stuff in between…i hated that. is that a difference in methods? should i be looking for vaganova and not cecchetti?

i hope i can find whatever the problem is inside me and start taking classes again soon. and blogging. i miss blogging. thanks for staying followers you guys.

<3